to move up and down
mister manager
i run the show.
i drink your milk! i drink it up!
cheers!
j
apologies to my faithful who have been holding their breath waiting for my next post. we have all been incredibly consumed with getting assistant manager V up to speed here at the office.
more later, but speaking of speed, check out the new company vehicle!
cheers!
j
hi there!
as you may or may not know, i’m V, the assistant manager. mister manager has asked me to keep you informed from time to time on our company’s affairs. happy to be here! (happy in the sense that, like alabama, i am here to shake things up)
i’m keeping M very busy working the night shift. i breezed through orientation week undetected like harry potter skulking around hogwarts in his invisibility cloak. now i “go nuclear” as M says, whenever i see fit/whenever i’m awake. M and D are quite determined to appease me.
why fuss? why choose the same management style as mister manager? who knows. what i do know is that M needs stop whining about missing her bowls of cinnamon toast crunch and chocolate milk. quitting dairy is not only good for my “sensitive system,” but our whole office’s waistline. and bottom line.
and like beck, i’m a driver, i’m a winner
- things are going to change soon i can feel it.
ciao!
v
v: gee j, what are we going to do tonight?
j: the same thing we do every night, v - keep our employees working ‘round the clock, and TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
cheers!
j
MM wisdom: don’t count your candy-filled eggs before they’ve hatched.
(unless you know they’ve all been filled with peanut butter cups - then count away!)
cheers!
j
assistant manager V pulled a no show on her start date - something about her commute. she did manage to arrive two days later (insert golf clap here) - all 8lbs 15oz of her. since my company has already vested significant time and resources into this new hire, i decided to let whole thing slide.
BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, V, going forward, i’ll be watching you closer than sting’s band. i am big brother. i am the eyes of dr. t.j. eckleburg. i am mister manager.
cheers!
j
oh, i KNOW the muffin man. do you?
cheerths!
j
M and D’s radiohead tickets arrived at the office today, making both of my employees fitter, happier, more productive.
while i have yet to experience thom
& cos. whole catalog (i am partial to watching TKOL from the basement on Palladia), i will say that if the world does turn and if london burns, i’ll be sleeping in my bed with my air guitar.
cheers!
j
we are officially in the red zone, my dear minions, waiting on a Brady to Moss (circa 2007) moment. my assistant manager ought to be here any day now. let the office spring cleaning/balancing act commence!
M has been fooled a few times by these “braxton tricks” as she has so affectionately dubbed them. speaking of dubb, to M i reply, “fool me once…”
besides, it’s not a trick, it’s an illusion. tricks are something… well, we will leave that one for will arnett to explain.
cheers!
j
this is me letting M know that it’s time to bake/sneak brown sugar crumbs. chop-chop!
cheers!
j
ladies and gentlemen, may i present to you M, aka sisyphus. and i, her boulder.
in the words of blood sweat and tears, “what goes up must come down.” (perhaps this is what paul pierce and the C’s were referring to with their hand gestures)
cheers!
j
today i had a meeting at a construction site. i allowed M to accompany me, because in business you can’t be afraid to get your hands dirty. she was.
i was not pleased when M had to cut our site visit short after an hour and a half, because she needed a restroom, and subsequently a rest. i let her know such displeasure by battling her in car seat buckling… for five minutes. never underestimate the old “minutes feel like hours” saying. or tantrums.
we’ve been spending a lot of time around the office getting ready for our new hire. while her tentative start date is april 1st, i suspect she is the go-getter type and will request an earlier start. this will certainly give M and D a run for their money - M, who is barely waddling around, and D, who has been slammed with meetings in the city until very late each night, for the duration of the month. so obviously now is the time i should start working on my bottom molars and transition to one nap a day. when it rains, it pours!
cheers!
j
ten and two, my tush!
cheers!
j
half full or half empty is irrelevant when my cup tippeth over. FIX IT!
also, if employee M and D say, “it’s not an ‘uh oh’ if you do it on purpose,” one more time, i am going to jackson pollock the kitchen with this fro-yo (no offense, mr. johns).
cheers!
j
mr. phelps, i do believe you’ve met your successor.
cheers!
j
